As most of you know the dollar isn’t doing so well on the international stage, so I have come up with 10 cleaver things you can do with your sinking currency.

1. Burn them. At the rate the Federal Reserve prints out our bills, you will be able to burn them in order to stay warm or cook a meal. I have even heard that every kind of bill burns the same. I won’t get into the physics of it, but you can trust me.
2. Use as clothing. Soon enough, it will become more cost efficient for you to stuff your shirts and coats with dollars. Then you would save on the high cost of buying newspapers.
3. Make origami. The art of origami will serve you well in the future. Fold those cranes and other figures out of dollars, and sell them for a more valuable currency.
4. Wash the bills. Counterfeiting a currency isn’t new, but using dollars to make another currency is. All you need are some chemicals and some ink, and soon you will be rollin’ in Euros. Besides, nobody will notice the little magnetic strip in them. Who even looks for those?
5. Glue them. If you collect enough bills, you could glue them together like paper mache and build yourself a house. “But Josh what about the rain and snow?” That’s thinking too far ahead, in my opinion.
6. Paint them. The business card of the future will be a bunch of dollars painted white and colored on. We already know they fit well in the wallet, fold easily, are somewhat durable, are large enough for old people to read and get thrown away without a problem.
7. Cut them up. With the price of paper going through the roof, the confetti market is getting hammered pretty good. So, I suggest we start using dollars and a paper shredder to cover the lost profits.

   

8. Smoke them. No more problems with tobacco paper going up either. Now just roll up a crisp hundo and burn away.
9. Repellent. If you have a pesky neighbor to the north of south of our country, all you need to do is build a wall with dollars, and they will instantly know your country is worthless.
10. Roll’em. Who needs Charmin anymore when you can use the fine paper the government provides to wipe your backside? I am not sure if folding or scrunching would be better, but either way we know the dollar’s going to shit.